oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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