you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
