Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
