Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize