I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
