ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
