At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
