i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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