Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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