So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
