the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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