I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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