I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
