Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
