No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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