im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
