The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
