She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In other news, I just burned my penis
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
