I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
