Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
