dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
