Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
