Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize