she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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