You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Life is so much better after having sex.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
