After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
