i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
