ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Still dying that you shit outside
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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