Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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