These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize