I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There's even glitter on my cock...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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