you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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