He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
