i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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