I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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