You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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