I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
