please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
