i wish my penis had a tongue
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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