I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
