I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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