We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
