How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
