too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
