This is not my ceiling
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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