I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
