TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
