you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
