Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
