So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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