i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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