when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
