If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
