I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize