dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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