i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
