I am midnight drunk by noon
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
