I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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