You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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