i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
