She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
