He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
