Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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