At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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