even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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