If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
